There is a disease that no one understands until it is too late. A sickness that comes undetermined. Its symptoms may vary from low appetite to high fever. No physical causes and it all comes from an emotional bud. It is called Love Sickness.
The first time I felt it was an illusion.
There was this one person I didn’t like at first because of technical reasons. After some time, I got close to them and one day I felt ill. I didn’t know what had happened to me and I kept on thinking about what I did wrong. That was a foreign feeling for me. Then I realized, I would do anything for that person. For a thirteen-year-old girl, it was a normal stage to get involved in such a delicate situation. In the end, it was just love in a way a little girl know how to.
The second time, it was a mistake.
He was two years older than I was. I got to know him because of a common professor in high school. He was the reason I have an older sister now, though. I am grateful. But long story short, he became my “kuya”, which means big brother in Filipino. We went out together with his classmates and got to bond.
After a while, we had a playful game of Truth or Dare with our friends. Everyone was curious about who my “crush” was and I did not hesitate to share them the truth. My truth. It was this man. Unexpected events had me fall to my back. He already has a girlfriend. Everyone else knows it except me. I was hurt. It ached too much I wanted to return the favour. I did not care about men anymore. They are selfish bastards who just wanted to get what they want. An abusive retard who grabs opportunities only for himself.
The third encounter was a disclosure.
I was already sixteen when I knew he had a little crush on me. That didn’t stop me to see this guy and went on a crazy love story with him. But unfortunately for both of us, I was already on the edge of a mental breakdown. Love was just a game for me because of my previous involvement with “boys”. I saw them as pawns to play with.
It was with this guy that my world was turned upside down and I fell in love with him because of it. He abandoned me because of my immature behaviour. But it was already too late for me. I was careless. Days after I screwed it all up, he’s with someone else. I saw them together more public than he ever showed me elsewhere. He saw me. I know he saw me that day because he even smiled at me as if saying, “I’m sorry”. On that day forward, I didn’t want to get involved with any man anymore.
For a very long time, my perspective changed. My heart was guarded by deep wounds. It was caged in stitches. This fragile blood-pumping fist-shaped organ was already tired of crappy relationships. It has already gone through enough trouble.
The last one was a surprise.
Yet, after two years, one man went straight to build what was broken. He came from nowhere. Heck, I didn’t even know it’s possible. But for the first time in my entire life, I didn’t have to hide anything anymore. He holds me in his arms like no other dared to. I was ready when he came. The past is just a milestone and a warm-up of what is there to come.
Whatever trouble you have now is something you must be grateful for. Because in the future, you will just laugh about it and make a lesson out of it.
“Love is Always a Hurricane”
quote from anime One Piece
Random posts on my #dailyjournal
- Return the Favor
- I Need Sleep
- Do You Trust Me?
- The Colors of Autumn
- Morning Coffee
- Distant Friend
- Mirror App
- Hold Your Time
- Easy to Forget
- Living the Past (Part 11)
- No Price To Be Nice
- When You Thought Everything Falls Apart
- Back Pain is Real
- Today’s Mood
- Happy Exhausted
- Holloween Dinner
- Writer’s Block
- Too Many Things
- Enjoy What You Do
- If You Think Something Good
- Accept What You Cannot Have
- I Dreamt About a Kid Chasing a Ghost
- In A Tough Spot
- Mouth Shut
- Truth Hurts
- Breaking Point