Gaze Far

I am guilty.

Yesterday. I cannot think about what happened and how it’s happened. My mind malfunctioned. I just stood there, frozen.

The problem is I cannot say no. I consider every opinion and they affect my own decisions. My time is precious, yet I take compromises religiously.

Sunday afternoon, I have made up my mind to visit my cats at my bf’s house. My little sister, on the other hand, wanted to go out with me to take a walk. Of course, I wouldn’t say no to her. We took the bus going to the city centre. Once we got there at 4 pm, I told her that we should separate at 5 or 5:30. She said yes. I was walking with her when I noticed there were more people than usual. Then I remembered there was a marathon that supposedly blocked the buses so we needed to walk to our destination. We were walking for almost way past my limit.

Before going to the place she wanted to eat, we stopped by my favourite library. We were there for almost half an hour. And then, we walked and walked and walked until my knees hurt. I asked her if the place we were going was near. She said yes. There were so many people walking around because of the marathon and my patience was already ticking.

I just want to do so much yet I was stuck in a place I do not even know.

Complains. I complained too much. The words coming out of my mouth were trash. I couldn’t even imagine how my sister was feeling. My own emotions were flooding my eyes and it clouded her face. Now that I remember everything, I feel worse. She was speechless. Her mind must have complained a lot, too.

But she was silent.

Her eyes were sparkling. She was looking down. My heart is breaking. I wish I could take it all back. It was the worst feelings. She just wanted to be with me and I was thinking about other people. My sister adjusted her time for me but I could not do that for her. She is the sweetest and most caring sister one can have and I was standing there without appreciating her efforts. I am the worst sister.

I took her with me to my bf’s house to at least visit him and the pets. She played with them and we passed the time before going home to cook. Once we got home, she offered to help me with the cooking. She said that it’s her way to repay her debts. My only doubt is that I did not hug her at that moment. I was just awestruck and embarrassed. She did not need to apologize for what she’d done.

I just wanted her to know that taking someone’s time is not a good practice. She must consider that I have my own appointments.

But then, I have learned new things every time. I realized that she is important to me and I don’t want her to get hurt like that anymore. Rejection is not what family are supposed to give each other. Her value became higher for me and I love her with all my heart. Not unless she keeps on doing that. (jokes)

P.S. She bought me ice cream, though.

Thanks for reading. Tune in for more!

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